What to say ....at a funeral.

It was nice to go out to lunch today ( in the wake of 'retirement') with some friends (from University days....would that be 50 years ago?) and one of us asked the two priest present...how do you cope with funerals and grief.    
It is a question that has taxed me over the years... for funerals have been ever present.
Early in my ordained ministry I was asked  "What do you like about ministry?" and unguardedly I said 
"Well I quite like funerals!"
Looking back it's a curious thing to have s.  But I have thought often..it is true.!!

So, last week I went to participate in the obsequies of J, who had been both ballet dancer and surfer... that's Australia for you. 
Leonie, who was leading us, reminded us of the traditional Hawaiian practice of  Ho’oponopono...she framed it thus wise ( which is more expansive than the narrow way)

• I am sorry, please forgive me.  

• I forgive you....

• Thank you

• I love you

 This calls us to attend to what is important in a person's life

• I have made mistakes...forgive me
• You have made mistakes ..   I forgive you
• Thank you for all the giftedness that  we have shared
• In the end, there is nothing greater than to say ...I love you ...or at the least ...I want to love you

At the very least, I thought this seems to have got it right