Today the Gospel reading is very practical.It is about what we call these days conflict resolution
I think the first thing to note is that Jesus is not suggesting
what we sometimes pretend in Churches
and, that is that, there will be no conflict.
Rather, he is saying that when there is conflict,
not if..but when,
it should not be avoided,
or swept under the carpet,
but it needs to be dealt with directly.
The process is quite straight forward
- · Go and speak to that person alone
- · If that doesn’t work, and you still feel aggrieved, go with one or two others
- · It is only at the point where that hasn’t worked that you consider going public
- · then, and only then, when all else has failed might you take more drastic action, like exclusion from the community
It does always strike me that this is enormously practical advice
and we would do well to pay heed to this process
But often we choose to ignore it
because, I suggest, we don't even want to talk about conflict.
Perhaps hoping that it will just evaporate.
That, of course, would be a fantasy.
Jesus is not a big fan of the fantasy world,
he is always drawing us back to
How do we live in the reality of this time.
This of course has never been more true
than in this difficult period.
We need to live with the reality of this plague;
I am hopeful that one of the things we might learn
is that we should be kinder to each other
and realise we are ALL under stress
So Be Kinder!
Let me say a few more things
about the way Jesus is inviting us to deal with difficult situations
This is a process
Do things in order!
We note that each step gets progressively more serious.
One of the reasons
we do it in order
is so that we will not make the situation worse
by getting ahead of ourselves
Go and speak to that person alone
Don’t barge in with all guns blazing
when a simple (albeit difficult) conversation
one on one
may well be all that is required.
If that doesn’t work,.... go with one or two others
This, too, could be difficult.
But I suggest that this is not an act of intimidation
It is not ganging up.
The text suggests
the reason for this:
in order that we may confirm every word
Allowing others to hear what we are saying
can hopefully help us to say it clearly
and to make sure we are hearing what the other party is saying
Particularly if we have been upset
we can find that we don’t always
express ourselves properly
or we don’t hear what the other person is saying
Allowing one or two others to share
may help us to clarify the situation.
This of course must be done with confidentiality
It is sometimes at this point where we find
that we get the process out of order.
The THIRD step in the process
not the FIRST
is making some public acknowledgment.
It’s likely that confronting in public before having taken the two private and confidential steps
will not ease the situation.
All communities
can fall into traps
which do not respect people’s privacy
and integrity.
Gossiping or talking about people behind their backs
is not dealing with conflict
it is rather like
arming oneself for conflict
by marshaling allies.
We can see plenty of examples (sadly)
throughout Church & Parish history
both in the long-term
and in the short-term
where conflict has not been dealt with properly
And ultimately the process of exclusion
may take place
Not, so much in my experience, by formal writ
but rather by forcing people to leave.
A sort of self-exclusion.
Let me reiterate the principles:
---We don’t deal with conflict by avoiding it.
But the process is one of charity and compassion.
---Follow the simple process,
don’t get ahead of ourselves
---It is important to respect
those with whom we disagree
and not stab them in the back
by gossip or abuse of power
---there will be times
(hopefully few)
when we will witness a parting of the ways.
---We will not always
be able to agree
about everything.
One would and should pray that all this might be done with honesty, respect and love
Both in coming events
but more importantly in the life of Church, Community and Family
in our work-places
And in the breadth of the world.
No comments:
Post a Comment