Monday, 2 June 2014

Self knowledge

I rather think that as I get older I am understanding myself better. (I may of course be mistaken)
It is one of my 'theories' that not everyone who simply grows old gets wiser. I hope I will get wiser as I get older!
In the last few months I have realised that one of the principal dysfunctional mechanisms of my life has been that I build a wall and repel  'The enemy'. 
My strategy? Hide behind the wall and tell them to get knicked!
This is an interesting strategy, but it is not without casualty. Not least me. 
I have been so good at building repelling walls that most people don't even try to attack! It's just too hard
And so I feel...well I am pretty alone....people won't approach me because the wall is too hard to breach. 
In the last two days I had disagreements with two what did I do?
Even though I realised it was wrong...I got behind the wall.
I withdrew my communication, I stopped even texting.....what a dick! (excusez moi!)
I want to do better.
Shouldn't we all do better?

As I write this I am listening to "Carousel".
I think it is THE great R& H musical..."Walk on walk on with hope in your heart and you'll never walk alone"
Maybe I am just an incurable romantic they say...but I suspect there is more to

PPPPPS if you don't listen to Spotify yet then maybe now is a  time to try


Anonymous said...

I don't think you should be so hard on yourself. we are all such complicated beings and react often in relation to how we are approached! I will resnd you the speech I wrote for your 60th. I think you should re-read! Cath

stephen clark said...

I don't think I am being hard on myself, but nice of you to be gentle with me