Treating people with respect

Readings for Sunday 6 September 2020 can include Exodus 12:1-14, Ps 149, Romans 13: 1-10 Matthew 18:15-20

preached at the Parish Mass at St Paul's, Port Adelaide, South Australia 

Today the Gospel reading is very practical.

It is about what we call these days conflict resolution

I think the first thing to note is that Jesus is not suggesting

what we sometimes pretend  in Churches

and, that is that, there will be no conflict.

Rather, he is saying that when there is conflict,

not if..but when,

it should not be avoided, 

or swept under the carpet,

but it needs to be dealt with directly.

 

The process is quite straight forward

• ·       Go and speak to that person alone
• ·       If that doesn’t work, and you still feel aggrieved, go with one or two others
• ·       It is only at the point where that hasn’t worked that you consider going public 
• ·       then, and  only then, when all else has failed might you take more drastic action, like exclusion from the community

 

It does always strike me that this is enormously practical advice

and we would do well to pay heed to this process

But often we choose to ignore it

because, I suggest, we don't even want to talk about conflict.

Perhaps hoping that it will just evaporate.

That, of course, would be a fantasy.

Jesus is not a big fan of the fantasy world,

he is always drawing us back to 

How do we live in the reality of this time.

This of course has  never been more true

than in this difficult period.

We need to live with the reality of this plague;

I am hopeful that one of the things we might learn

is that we should be kinder to each other

and realise we are ALL under stress

So Be Kinder!

 

Let me say a few more things 

about the way Jesus is inviting us to deal with difficult situations

 

This is a process

Do things in order!

We note that each step gets progressively more serious.

One of the reasons 

we do it in order 

is so that we will not make the situation worse

by getting ahead of ourselves

 

Go and speak to that person alone 

Don’t barge in with all guns blazing

when a simple (albeit difficult) conversation

one on one

may well be all that is required.

 

If that doesn’t work,.... go with one or two others

This, too, could be difficult.

But I suggest that this is not an act of intimidation

It is not ganging up.

The text suggests 

the reason for this:

in order that we may confirm every word

Allowing others to hear what we are saying

can hopefully help us to say it clearly

and to make sure we are hearing what the other party is saying

 

Particularly if we have been upset 

we can find that we don’t always

express ourselves properly

or we don’t hear what the other person is saying

Allowing one or two others to share 

may help us to clarify the situation.

This of course must be done with confidentiality

It is sometimes at this point where we find 

that we get the process out of order.

The THIRD step in the process 

not the FIRST

is making some public acknowledgment.

 

It’s likely that confronting in public before having taken the two private and confidential steps 

will not ease the situation.

All communities

can fall into traps

which do not respect people’s privacy

and integrity.

Gossiping or talking about people behind their backs

is not dealing with conflict

it is rather like 

arming oneself for conflict

by marshaling allies.

 

We can see plenty of examples (sadly)

throughout Church & Parish history

both in the long-term

and in the short-term

where conflict has not been dealt with properly

 

And ultimately the process of exclusion 

may take place

Not, so much in my experience,  by formal writ

but rather by forcing people to leave.

A sort of self-exclusion.

 

Let me reiterate the principles:

---We don’t deal with conflict by avoiding it.

But the process is one of charity and compassion.

---Follow the simple process, 

don’t get ahead of ourselves

---It is important to respect 

those with whom we disagree

and not stab them in the back

by gossip or abuse of power

 

---there will be times

(hopefully few)

when we will witness a parting of the ways.

---We will not always 

be able to agree 

about everything.

 

One would and should  pray that all this might be done with honesty, respect and love

Both in coming events

but more importantly in the life of Church, Community and Family

in our work-places

And in the breadth of the world.

A nice dilemma

If you've been to the funny, but lovely, little town of Bath then you will have been to the square wherein the Abbey is located (it is the major feature of the town).  There is a curious article in Church Times (here) about Evensong having to be cancelled because the activity outside  the Abbey was too loud.
It reminded me of one of the profoundest religious experiences I ever had in Paris (here sorry the picture has disappeared if you need one ...here you go)
My dilemma is this:
What is more authentic; the people who sit on the steps of the Basilica ( a truly amazing place...no doubt), or the people who are inside at 10 p.m. on a Sunday night.
I must admit I went in and I was overwhelmed that the 400 or so people who were there at the dead of night were probably not going to turn up on Sunday morning; many of them clearly gay and Bohemian. What ever either of those terms might mean in today's world!
Isn't this the dilemma for Bath ( and indeed the Church where I work)? Is Evensong or busking the more authentic expression of life?
I think I know the answer. It is not always comfortable...or if you were in Paris confortable !

Let us rejoice..in what is really happening

I am not a refugee but I am an immigrant to Australia. I note that in the more than forty years I have lived here every generation of immigrants has been viewed sceptically and  with cynicism. At the time I came to these shores, Italians and Spanish immigrants were regarded as a profound threat  to our lifestyle. Well that was wrong then! 
They appear to have entered Australian society and been hardworking, their culture, and society has deeply enriched our quality of life
Then there were the Vietnamese and the Cambodians. To some they spelled out the end of Australian society.  Next time you go to the doctor ask yourself where we would be if these devastated families had not encouraged their children to succeed and to be good Australians. To get good education and, indeed, to succeed!
I have encountered the Iranian, Sri Lankan and African communities who are in the process of doing likewise.
I don’t want to be naïve and suggest that everyone coming to Australia has been without problem, but it does seem to me that our recent history tells us that no one comes to these shores, girt by sea, wanting to ruin this country.
So I will be voting for those who tell me, not that they are repelling refugees, but to those who are telling me that they believe that those who are fleeing to Australia need to be encouraged to fulfill their potential. And by extension, to continue the history of this nation which is not only young but free and is deeply enriched by those who seek sanctuary and security for themselves and their families here

Sorry but no!

I rather think that Australia Day is a curiosity, and that the call to change the date is timely. Though it is not easy to see how this discussion can take place, without its assuming greater importance than is warranted.
It is not more important than the republican issue, and we are not having that debate. It is not more important than debate about aboriginal health and education...or indeed anyone else's education and health. It is not more important than debate and discussion about the economy and the need to get ourselves back in shape.
It is a symbolical issue, and symbols are important...as a religious person I know that all too well....but it would seem to be low down the discussion list at the moment.
It doesn't mean that it shouldn't be publicly named and from time to time discussed, but it does mean that at a time when there are other pressing issues...more pressing than this one...that maybe we have to wait.
In that sense, I think Prime Minister Rudd is right to signal very quickly and clearly that he cannot justify being diverted by this discussion.
But in reality, in a democracy (PTL) we can discuss what we like...the PM is just telling us he won't (or perhaps can't) join in at this time

The story goes on

As part of GetUp's Reconciliation meetings tonight (see details of ours here) participants will be asked to share any stories.
Hopefully this is an exercise in listening rather than grandstanding, which would seem to me to be part of the fundamental principles of reconciliation, something I think John Howard didn't get easily. The image, that stays imprinted with many of us, of him thumping the lectern at the Melbourne reconciliation conferenece (see a YouTube reflection on it here) is hideous. And gave a defiunitive meaning to the idea of 'tub thumping'.
So today I have been thinking how scant my 'story' is:

• The only Australian my father knew when we came here 40 years ago was an aboriginal manwho had played rugby with a local English league team, he was working quietly in the town of Whyalla where we came to live
• I am totally unaware of any aboriginal kids who were in the post year 10 classes at Whyalla High School...that may be because I was streamed academically ...but even that speaks
• In the early 70s I didn't come across any aboriginal students at eitherAdelaide University, or Adelaide CAE and certainly not at that bastion of elitism, St Mark's College
• There were no aboriginal teachers or aides at any of the large high schools in which I taught.
• There were a few students, but, I suspect, they were less represented than they should have been
• None of this says anything other than what I might have observed, and therefore says as much about me as anyone else.

I am afraid my time at theological college is not much better. I don't ever recall ministry with aboriginal people being discussed, let alone presented.
There was one Torres Strait Islander student and I was pleased to help him with some language development. In reality we had more exposure to the South Pacific and Asia than to local indigenous culture.Neither of my training parishes had any contact with indigenous people
In my first parish there were aboriginal people, but they had little to do with Church. One Ngarriendjeri woman in our small congregation.
I then didn't have much to do with aboriginal issues until I worked at St Paul's Centre where part of our watching was to promote aboriginal interests in all the fields of interest we were operating.
So I met some good people working with aboriginal social issues, promoting aboriginal interests in finance and small business, and in trying to address some fo the issues of homelessness and dispossession in the city.
My current parish has the dubious honour of having one of those places of shame in its midst, yet it has become a focus for galvanising community spirit and hopefully moving middle-class endearment and apathy to something like social action. That place, Colebrook Home, (something of the story here) is a mixed blessing. Whilst, no doubt, saving the lives of some it destroyed others. I remember the chilling photograph the day the memorial was opened and hearing one of the fine women saying of a photographic display....."None of the men in those photos are still alive!"
How little I have done, and how much I could have done. Perhaps I can try a little harder

Ongoing Reconciliation

We (friend Cath, Sue and I) are hosting a Reconciliation meeting on Tuesday 29th at 7 p.m. These are being promoted by activist group GetUp, which seeks to ensure genuine grass roots political action.
After the historic apology it would seem important that there is at least some talk about next steps.
So if you would like to come then you can take a look here (Cath, Sue and Stephen's GetTogether)

The sticking place

I am finding it hard to discuss the recent developments in indigenous relations. So many conversations have the sense of people pursing their lips and obviously disagreeing with what is being said.
The righting of wrongs seems like such a good thing to do that it is difficult when people think otherwise. I don't understand why so many white people feel aggrieved by aboriginal people, when you tease it out they have often had little or no encounter with them. But how often conversations seem to drift from righting the wrong to curiously blame-laden comments like..."I just hope they will do the right thing now!" Often implying that they are not likely to do so.
This is the underbelly of the racism that pervades our society, it is deep, unacknowledged and unknowing.
We will come quickly to the point where we will need courage to front the criticism and the prejudice. I think Rudd has the ticker to do this. I pray it be so.
I was drawn to that conversation between Mr and Mrs MacBeth, when he is weakening and needs to be pushed to continue to the bitter end

MACBETH
If we should fail?
LADY MACBETH
We fail!But screw your courage
to the sticking-place,And we'll not fail.
Macbeth, Act I, Scene VII

It is not a perfect match, but it will do for today. And so inevitably I googled my way into another couple of good quotes

Fear is the basis for everything terrible.

Fear is what causes all the horror in the world. No man achieves anything through fear. Fear isn't constructive. The only thing that can save people is to say I'm not afraid anymore. The minute they say they are not afraid they cannot commit a wrong act. There will be no such thing as a wrong act.
John Cassavetes

From a certain point on, there is no more turning back. That is the point that must be reached.
Franz Kafka

furious furore

It is difficult to imagine that John Howard expects to be taken seriously about his latest promises (here) to be more open to the process of reconciliation. Would that it were true! Even if it is, the electorate will have difficulty reconciling this (pun intended) with the image of the ever more furious Howard thumping the lectern at the Melbourne Reconciliation convention as senior aboriginal leaders turned their backs on him in defiance.
Would, indeed, that it were true that there has been a change of heart. But it looks rather like the latest in opportunistic backflips.