Treating people with respect

Readings for Sunday 6 September 2020 can include Exodus 12:1-14, Ps 149, Romans 13: 1-10 Matthew 18:15-20

preached at the Parish Mass at St Paul's, Port Adelaide, South Australia 

Today the Gospel reading is very practical.

It is about what we call these days conflict resolution

I think the first thing to note is that Jesus is not suggesting

what we sometimes pretend  in Churches

and, that is that, there will be no conflict.

Rather, he is saying that when there is conflict,

not if..but when,

it should not be avoided, 

or swept under the carpet,

but it needs to be dealt with directly.

 

The process is quite straight forward

• ·       Go and speak to that person alone
• ·       If that doesn’t work, and you still feel aggrieved, go with one or two others
• ·       It is only at the point where that hasn’t worked that you consider going public 
• ·       then, and  only then, when all else has failed might you take more drastic action, like exclusion from the community

 

It does always strike me that this is enormously practical advice

and we would do well to pay heed to this process

But often we choose to ignore it

because, I suggest, we don't even want to talk about conflict.

Perhaps hoping that it will just evaporate.

That, of course, would be a fantasy.

Jesus is not a big fan of the fantasy world,

he is always drawing us back to 

How do we live in the reality of this time.

This of course has  never been more true

than in this difficult period.

We need to live with the reality of this plague;

I am hopeful that one of the things we might learn

is that we should be kinder to each other

and realise we are ALL under stress

So Be Kinder!

 

Let me say a few more things 

about the way Jesus is inviting us to deal with difficult situations

 

This is a process

Do things in order!

We note that each step gets progressively more serious.

One of the reasons 

we do it in order 

is so that we will not make the situation worse

by getting ahead of ourselves

 

Go and speak to that person alone 

Don’t barge in with all guns blazing

when a simple (albeit difficult) conversation

one on one

may well be all that is required.

 

If that doesn’t work,.... go with one or two others

This, too, could be difficult.

But I suggest that this is not an act of intimidation

It is not ganging up.

The text suggests 

the reason for this:

in order that we may confirm every word

Allowing others to hear what we are saying

can hopefully help us to say it clearly

and to make sure we are hearing what the other party is saying

 

Particularly if we have been upset 

we can find that we don’t always

express ourselves properly

or we don’t hear what the other person is saying

Allowing one or two others to share 

may help us to clarify the situation.

This of course must be done with confidentiality

It is sometimes at this point where we find 

that we get the process out of order.

The THIRD step in the process 

not the FIRST

is making some public acknowledgment.

 

It’s likely that confronting in public before having taken the two private and confidential steps 

will not ease the situation.

All communities

can fall into traps

which do not respect people’s privacy

and integrity.

Gossiping or talking about people behind their backs

is not dealing with conflict

it is rather like 

arming oneself for conflict

by marshaling allies.

 

We can see plenty of examples (sadly)

throughout Church & Parish history

both in the long-term

and in the short-term

where conflict has not been dealt with properly

 

And ultimately the process of exclusion 

may take place

Not, so much in my experience,  by formal writ

but rather by forcing people to leave.

A sort of self-exclusion.

 

Let me reiterate the principles:

---We don’t deal with conflict by avoiding it.

But the process is one of charity and compassion.

---Follow the simple process, 

don’t get ahead of ourselves

---It is important to respect 

those with whom we disagree

and not stab them in the back

by gossip or abuse of power

 

---there will be times

(hopefully few)

when we will witness a parting of the ways.

---We will not always 

be able to agree 

about everything.

 

One would and should  pray that all this might be done with honesty, respect and love

Both in coming events

but more importantly in the life of Church, Community and Family

in our work-places

And in the breadth of the world.

Making sense of being a priest

My most confronting encounter this week has been with Jason. 

After the Traditional Mass he wandered into the porch , thank God for the open Church.  He just wanted to sit down, or so it seemed, and though I was ready to ‘up and go’ I thought the least I should do was give him some time.
He was clearly in some distress, and his speech was almost unintelligible.The Grandpa in me tells me that you just have to give this some time…try talking to a two year old . It’s not that they are not talking it is that I am not hearing.
Jason sat quietly in front of the glorious image of the risen Jesus with the open wounded hands and tears were flooding.
Oh shit! What am I going to do? This guy has come wanting to receive and can I deliver? Pretty obviously, not!
It is as this point I have to realise thatI am not the one who has to deliver. Why would he want what I have to offer?
“I’ll just sit here, and you just take your time!”  It was the least I could do, and yet I rather begrudged it.
“Do you want me to pray for you?”  I asked. 
Fairly confident that I know how to pray. Not just ritualistically, but with meaning and with the courage to pray for deliverance if necessary.
“Maybe later,” he says. 
So I go and sit down quietly behind him. And for once say nothing!
His tears were flowing, makes me cry now just writing about it. 
His barely intelligible utterances talked of a woman who had been raped and told she would never have children.
That broken woman had met this broken man and they had borne a child…I wrote that they had  fathered a child….and I think that was important for Jason he was a father and felt totally incapable being so. 
In his ramblings he alluded to three others, I am not sure if he was the father. Possibly…even probably.
Then he lapsed into “I don’t want to go to jail, they are just horrible to me in there.”
What had happened I do not want to know, but we can all imagine. 
I do not want to know. But maybe my turning away is part of the problem.
I had waves of fear about him because he seemed erratic, crazed. 
I asked him if he was taking drugs.
He told me he wasn’t. And I believe him. 
But I knew, and he knew that I knew that his mind had been crippled by f&$%in’ meth. 
Don’t use that term lightly.
This was a beautiful man, of gentle spirit  whose humanity has been crippled by the careless greed of the pushers,
I repeat again:
“Oh shit! What am I going to do? This guy has come wanting to receive and can I deliver? Pretty obviously, not!”
We couldn’t sit there for ever, 
I prayed with him.
A gentle prayer, and prayer for deliverance (exorcism)…I am not afeared to pray so [ thank you A J Davies…who though a curious man taught me to trust the prayer …. and deliver us from evil]
As we took a quarter of an hour to leave 
he talked about Her…the mother of the children, 
who was coming in on an interstate bus.
“She will love this place.”
I had to tell him the Church was not open all the time, Tuesdays and Thursdays and of course Sundays.
I really hope we see them ...our prayers   genuine prayers   will be there for them

I was totally struck that he knew how he had been touched by our Shrine.
 
And my heart thrilled, whilst also being sad that he had to blow his nose on his tee shirt because he was so overcome. (  I wanted him to have my used handkerchief, but thought that was a bit disgusting....on reflection it was probably not)
 
Let us not ever begin to think that we live in a country where everyone is equal!!
 
And God forgive me for my failure to be Jesus to this beautiful man.

Wish I was more optimistic about hate speech

I have said on numerous occasions that "Australian Christian Lobby" is a total misnomer. This ragtag group of aggressive evangelical/pentecostal people ( not ALL Pentecostals or Evangelicals by any means but certainly a significant and outspoken number) . I have been an Australian for over 50 years and I have been a Christian for almost 67 years...and in NO WAY does the ACL represent me...or most of the Australians or Christians I know. I find their theology violent and unloving...and indeed un-Christian. I would urge other Christians and Australians to repudiate their hate-filled homophobic agenda...I am not optimistic!!

Save us from zealots

I continue on my merry way with the Act for Peace Ration Challenge

I know the Roti, or flatbread doesn't look particularly appetising.

But I was surprised about how good it was.

For a person who's devoted to breakfast toast; I was more than happy to have this carbohydrate of flour and water.

No breakfast eggs!

One of the things that does concern me about the Challenge is its obsession with food!

While obviously that is important, there is also lots of other stuff.

A few years ago I was privileged to be in the Holy Lands (sic)... I note that the modern state of Israel is not THE Holy Land.

OLJC was up around Syria...we drove into the Golan Heights, once a place of fierce battle..then (2011) a desolate and barren desert...but once again a battleground.



And my friends  Jen and Bill went to Damascus, thrilled to go to Straight Street (the street called Straight) where blessed Paul regained his sight...and they brought me seasonings from afar ( Za'atar  (  Arabic: زَعْتَر‎, IPA: [ˈzaʕtar]   ) would have liked them during this Ration Challenge.



And we have seen the blatant vandalism of this great city by east and west alike.

God preserve us from the causes of misguided zealots.

10 reasons I would walk out of Church

Today was a joyous and sad day. Christians get this.
My friend Tim died, his funeral was an unhurried festival of joy. Most of the two or three hundred gathered there were walking backwards and forward from joy to tears.
As I say, Christians get this. While saddened that one of us dies, yet we are glad of Jesus's prophetic words . This day you will be with me in Paradise.
Fr Grant Bullen spoke eloquently in his eulogy about how today we have friend on 'the other side'.
While we may want to demythologise this ( I am not terribly fussed) this seemed to me an authentic expression of my relationship with this saint of a man.
In one of the conversations I had today, someone noted that Tim had walked out of a local church when the priest started ranting against marriage quality.
It caused me to wonder what else would make me walk out of church
...I don't intend to fill out the whole list but here are a few things....perhaps you can send me some more.
1. I agree with Tim, while the Church respects everyone's views...when it starts saying that LGBTIQ are disordered and not worthy of equality...I get up and walk out
2. When it says Children should be seen and not heard...I get up and walk out
3. When it says women are subordinate ...I get up and walk out
4. When it prefers the affluent middle-classes, and overlooks the faithful poor, and humble....I get up and walk out

and so this might go on...What are your suggestions?

Who's in detention?

I wrote to Matt Williams  (MP for Hindmarsh, SA) about the present Government policy concerning immigration detention

Dear Mr WilliamsI have always been glad of your replies (even if sometimes taking a few weeks) to my questions.Can you tell me what is your understanding about the number of children who are in detention in the so called "arrangements" with Nauru and Manos Island. In particular I would be interested if you can you tell me how many children have been shifted from the mainland to Nauru and Manos to make it look as though we have actually reduced the numbers of children in detention, even though we have added to those on Nauru and Manos.

He replied :

Dear Stephen Thank you for your email. At the moment there are 79 children in detention which includes 72 children who are scheduled to go back to Nauru. The Immigration Minster has been working hard to get that number down to zero as quickly as possible. In some cases parents of the children have adverse ASIO assessments. We will not be releasing that parent out into the community but we are trying to make arrangements for the mother and children to go out. Like you and the Immigration Minister I want all children to be out of detention and the Government and Immigration Department are working very hard to achieve this. I discuss this matter and other migration issues with the Minister during our regular meetings in Canberra. Thank you again for raising this matter with me. Yours sincerely
Matt

I leave you to decide whether this is satisfactory. 

As for me. It is not!

In the Darkness

IN THE DARKNESS

It is in the darkness 

that he comes:

an open stable

a dangerous garden

an empty cave

We barely see the shimmer

and fail to recognise 

the challenge

we just as easily 

walk away

unmoved, unrealising

that it is in the darkness

that life is changed

Carrots extraordinary

Did think I needed to do something with the carrots that needed to do more than just go black.

So I have peeled them!
Cut them into long segments
and am now marinating them in

brown sugar,
balsamic vinegar
& liquid (home made ) yoghourt [you could use butter or oil]

Am planning to roast the carrots for dinner....and promise to post an actual photo of what they look like!!!

Who should own my poems

Never quite sure whether my 'poems' are prayers or sermons
or  just the yearning  of my heart


Any way this week

We want considerably less

for ourselves

than God wants for us.

We want 

Stuff

God wants us to have

Life. 

But

we are some what afraid

of Life.

God wants more for us 

than we are brave enough

to want for ourselves.

Transfiguring

By curious coincidence August 6th is the day the Church remembers the Transfiguration of Jesus (see Mark's account here). It is an event where three of the disciples see Jesus as he really is. This experience transfigured their understanding, and indeed their relationship with Jesus.

It is also the 45th anniversary of the bombing of Hiroshima. I often make the association that we are equally well transfigured by that event.

That awful event set before humanity the possibility of us being able to destroy ourselves. In a real sense it probably coloured the perceptions of baby-boomers for good or ill, and we were told in the last decade that the Generation X/Y kids found the likelihood of total human destruction all too likely.

It's worth giving a thought to both events today.

What is perhaps more amazing is that we have actually survived 45 years without blowing up the world.

On death and dying...on sin and sinning

One of the things I have been doing is tidying up an educational program we are preparing to help people new to Christianity understand soime of the basic ideas. Today I discussed one of the sessions with one of our parish groups the session about Jesus.

Part of the focus of that session is about what it means to say Jesus has died for our sin. It was (as is the nature of such discussions) 'robust'and at times 'deep'. We touched a few raw nerves. And I think there were more than a few insights. So that is good.

The conversation wandered a bit and some of my observations are:

• Most of us can't countenance the fact that we can resist sin!


• We condemn sin in other people


• More than a few of us have been touched by suicide


• We play games and avoid confronting ourselves


• Most of us have either totally excused ourselves because of Calvary, or failed to think that it even applies to me

So, on the whole, I think the study is pitched at a good level.

The world of fantasy

Tomorrow is St Mary Magdalene's Day. For some reason she seems to fascinate people. Dan Brown based much of his "Da Vinci Code" around the myth of this Mary. And the story is (it seems to me) largely mythical...it is the fantasy of knights and medieval Europe and the misplaced romanticism of the 19th century.
In that story Mary Magdalene marries Jesus (who according to the myth did not die on the Cross but was taken down and went on to live happily ever after with Mary who bore their children). Their offspring become the secret descendants of a miraculous ruling dynasty, which has continued to this day...but yet is unknown to all but a few initiates.
Brown wrote a work of fiction around it, and it's a good romp.
But, like much romanticism, it rather sacrifices the depth of a relationship for the sake of a good romp. Never let the truth get in the way of a good story.
We don't know a lot about anyone in the New Testament, and often it is jumbled.
To Mary Magdalene accrued all sorts of things, it seemed that almost everything that happened to a woman (other than Jesus's mother) in the Gospels attached itself to Mary of Magdala.
So she is sometimes thought to be the Mary of 'Mary and Martha' fame, she is the woman caught in adultery to whom Jesus says "go and sin no more", she is the woman out of whom Jesus cast secen demons. She is said to be a reformed prostitute. Why she should be all of these things I don't know.
But the most telling story, and undoubtedly most authentic one because she is mentioned quite explicitly and in a developed way, is her involvement with Jesus at the Cross and at the tomb. Mary is the first to encounter the risen Jesus, a fact that male centred religion often overlooks, she is the first person to whom the Jesus speaks. This delightful picture by Richard Stodart shows her holding an egg, the symbol of the resurrection.
To me, what is important about Mary is nott he Davinci Code nonsense, it is that the risen Jesus calls her by name. Mary. And that personal dealing with her reminds us that God speaks our name and gives us life.
What ever may accrete to her, this resurrection symbolism, that the risen Jesus speaks our name and brings us new life is the important stuff

O Oriens!

The poetic idea of today is that Christ is bringing a new dawn

O dawn! splendour of eternal light,
and sun of justice,
come, and shine on those ,
seated in darkness, and in the shadow of death

I have realised that many of these metaphors that we use ...like dawn and light in darkness
do have a direct application to our inner life
which can be lived in darkness
unless we open a few windows
and allow the Sun to shine in.
Advent offers us Jesus to be that Sun

the Latin words are particularly good!

O Oriens,
splendor lucis aeternae,
et sol justitiae:
veni, et illumina
sedentes in tenebris,
et umbra mortis.

O key of David

Now this is real DaVinci Code don't you think



O Clavis David, et sceptrum domus Israel;
qui aperis, et nemo claudit; claudis, et nemo aperit:
veni, et educ vinctum de domo carceris, sedentem in tenebris, et umbra mortis.

O Key of David, and Sceptre of the house of Israel,
that openeth and no man shutteth, and shutteth and no man openeth,
come to liberate the prisoner from the prison, and them that sit in darkness, and in the shadow of death.

If you can get over the cryptic stuff then it is about allowing the Key of David (Jesus) to open the very depth of your life. And to free yourself from the prisons of your own making.
Sounds good to me!

O Radix Jesse!

O Root of Jesse, you stand as a signal for the nations; kings fall silent before you whom the people's acclaim. O come to deliver us and do not delay

I always feel deeply about the terror that is Bethlehem at Christmas time.
Today reminds us that Christmas is as much about ancient politics as anything else. Jesse (the father of David) was a man of a clan of Bethlehem.
What ever God is doing in Christ goes not only to the heart of personal struggle, but also to political reconciliation. He is a victim and creature of politics, like all humanity. Today's prayer is thus that we may all address the root (radix) of the woes that beset us. It is the desire to be radical, to go to the root. To make a difference.

Chris's funeral

I left home at 10, went to the dentist, had an hour to kill so had a coffee, said prayers in the shopping centre (always a good thing to do); bought a copy of the "God Delusion". Had lunch with my deanery colleagues. very nice and pleasnat. And popped back to see that the little one was OK (12 episodes of Will & Grace later....she was supposed to be cleaning her room)
The funeral began at 2 and the Church was packed and into two overflow spaces as well.
It went well. He was a remarkable gift of a person. A man who found out when he was 17 that he could easily die and decided to throw himself into living. This so electrified those whose lives he touched that they lived a bit better too. Very Christlike.
It makes one wonder why we don't throw ourselves properly into life, and why we always presume that we have tomorrow.